How do you tell your boss that your coworker threw you under the bus?

Anonymous

October 31,2023 at 2:44AM UTC

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How do you tell your boss that your coworker threw you under the bus?

My coworker is a sorority sister of my boss and they have been friends for many years. In recent meetings, my coworker has thrown me under the boss, at one point saying that my work was so bad it would have to be trashed in front of all my coworkers.

How do I address this with my boss? I have a calm, fact-based speech but I have a feeling she is just going to think the sorority sister friend is right and I am complaining.

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AnonymousOctober 31,2023 at 10:16AM UTC
If your boss was in that meeting and they did nothing to call out this public attack, then expect more of the same in a private meeting. You’re exactly right that they’ll side with their friend and will think you’re complaining.
AnonymousOctober 31,2023 at 12:47PM UTC
Since the problem seems to be both the coworker and the boss, and the boss has the lead, is there anything you can do to work better with the coworker? One thing I've done in the past that generally works well (in a passive/aggressive sort of way) is to compliment their skills and ask for advice on how to do something. Then, if they complain about how you did it, it was their idea. When you present it next, you can start with, on xxx's suggestion, I did it [this way]. Because the boss and coworker are best friends, nothing else will happen unless they break ranks. Driving a wedge between them will NOT work. If it doesn't work, it would be best to start looking elsewhere because this won't change.
AnonymousNovember 2,2023 at 5:54PM UTC
Let your boss know what the gal said and also let your boss know that you expect the same respect given to you that you give to that gal.
If you don't get it file a formal complaint about hostile workplace and be sure to bring your documentation. Stay the course, and if you think it is just professional jealousy perhaps find a way to bubble that down with your manager or HR's help.
AnonymousNovember 3,2023 at 2:47PM UTC
Whether your coworker was correct or not, it's still never cool to trash someone in public like that, so if your boss was there and saw this and didn't say anything, that doesn't bode well for your boss treating everyone equally/fairly on the team. What I'd maybe bring up with your coworker, and cc your boss on this, is that if she has feedback on your work then it's not professional or appropriate for her to do it in public like that.
Cindy GloverNovember 6,2023 at 1:49AM UTC
I’d stay out of it
AnonymousNovember 6,2023 at 4:52AM UTC
I would look for a new job before bringing it up.