Do you ever really trust anyone at work?

Anonymous

August 16,2023 at 11:52PM UTC

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Do you ever really trust anyone at work?

I've been with my organization for a few years. It's a tough place to work for. They pay us well but there's a lot of stress. I'm starting to feel like I have a few disgruntled colleagues who don't really answer questions but will tell you what they want you to do one-on-one-- think never cc'ing everyone on the team, just whispering to you via email that you should do X and Y, not Z, but they're not going to loop in everyone including the VPs and president of the company. I've already been put in this position more than once and I'm getting uncomfortable with how they operate. Everyone on the team is very seasoned, been there for decades, and I'm still the newbie and not quite one of them yet, I guess. Is there any way to navigate this in a constructive way before they all turn on more for not playing the game (and I don't like to because my manager would be very upset if I left him out of everything)?

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AnonymousAugust 17,2023 at 1:33AM UTC
Sounds like an awful place to work. And to answer your question, no — there are few people I really trust at any workplace. I’ve seen and experienced too much in my 30+ year career.
AnonymousAugust 17,2023 at 12:33PM UTC
I have learned more and more there are very few people in the workplace you can trust. You don't want stuff you have said to come back to you.
AnonymousAugust 17,2023 at 12:32PM UTC
I live by the rule "trust no one" - now that said, I hate when everyone under the sun is copied on an email. Especially the passive aggressive tendencies to cc my and/or their manager on them thinking it will get things turned around faster. It won't. If you have questions or concerns about what they are asking you to do, then follow up with a clarifying email. cc'ing your direct manager if necessary. Hey- at least they are leaving a "paper trail."
maria roseAugust 17,2023 at 5:30PM UTC
The only trust you should have with coworkers is that they are part of the team that gets the expected job done. Beyond that, you should not be expecting them to be any more than a coworker that you see on a daily basis and make friends with people outside of your circle of coworkers instead
Sarah BordersAugust 17,2023 at 6:15PM UTC
That sounds really frustrating! Poor communication is the root of so many problems in the workplace. You definitely should keep your boss in the loop if that’s important to him. Where trust with work-related items is concerned, I like to model transparency with everyone unless there’s an absolute need to hold your cards close to your chest (and sometimes there is), but you can always run that by your boss to determine if and when you should hold back and with whom.
AnonymousAugust 18,2023 at 6:19PM UTC
Some people never feel either safe or secure in their jobs and those who are far more tenured may have concerns about rocking the boat of being sunsetted out of their jobs for younger workers. You be you and focus on what you need to rise above the drama and politics as much as you can though if it is endemic to your employer you may want to assess staying there long term if it is not something you want to deal with regularly.
AnonymousAugust 19,2023 at 1:45PM UTC
I learned the hard way in my 20's that your co-workers are NOT your friends. People will turn on you in a heartbeat to get ahead and tell management any negative thing you have said or expose your weaknesses so that they look better. This was even more prevalent in my position because I work in sales and have had people literally steal my contacts to gain income and try to take credit for my own sales. You can collaborate and do the best for the company's overall success but you cannot discuss any frustrations or concerns with anyone without possibly endangering your own position. This is especially frustrating when you move to a new city and are single because it's not always easy to meet new people, but I always find now that it's best to keep work and your personal life compartmentalized.
AFTER you leave a position, you can of course keep in touch with people you used to work with and they might feel comfortable leaning on you as a sounding board (as someone who understands the interior workings of where they are still at) and I have allowed stronger relationships to blossom from there.
It's a tightrope and it sucks but this is the best advice I can give.
AnonymousAugust 21,2023 at 12:33PM UTC
I know the feeling. I work with someone for 27 years, she always claimed to be my friend. Then one day she stabbed me in the back, then ran me over with a bus.
Michelle StewartAugust 21,2023 at 2:39PM UTC
Colleagues are very rarely friends. I've made a couple in my professional life, but not for the most part. I've even been in conversations with a leader who has gone out of their way to make me feel like they are my friend just to be again hit with ridiculousness. Unfortunately, my new work motto is to put my head down and do my job. And keep record of everything I have been told to do by anyone above me in the pecking order. Paper trails are priceless.
Katheryn MAugust 28,2023 at 1:07PM UTC
It sounds like people are wary about having paper trails or their potentially being proof of their deeds. I would bring it up to your supervisor or even higher up the chain, because it seems like this is a culture problem that may even be condoned by the org. If that is the case, there may not be a lot you can do about it. I'd start documenting every single time you attempt to get collaboration or open communication and denied. You could also set the boundary that if there are conversations happening via email that involve others or are important to the team as a whole, that you will be opening the lines of communication and sharing.