Not a good fit...

Anonymous

January 16,2024 at 1:40PM UTC

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Not a good fit...

Hi! I went into my new job with a ton of excitement and hope. For context, same job function I've been doing for several years (project management). I quickly realized their work style is very different than mine (chaotic vs planned and detailed). I do it in the way that has worked best for me while maintaining the integrity of the company and my results fail. It's been hard for me to adapt to their work style. I've tried to mimic their way and my results are horrible. I try to do it the way that works best for me and the results are horrible. They are still transitioning moving files into a shared drive and it's not organized. It's been 6 months - I know it's always rough the first 6 months but I've been working for over 20 years for various companies only to leave when I relocated or for growth opportunities (average of 4-5 years at each job). It's causing me major stress and I'm not performing well. Met with HR for my 6 month review who kept saying "it's only been 6 months...you were hired during a corporate transition....etc" and to be patient.

There's little to no support - just "well we hired you to lead...." And "just look at past files ". My 1:1 s are chaotic and frequently canceled. I've spoken to my team member about this and they said "oh yeah...that happens all the time".

I really don't see this being my place.

I'm interviewing because I know it's best for me to leave even though my guilt is surfacing at leaving the team high and dry when they've been short staffed. I feel tremendous guilt and like a failure even though I know this isn't fair to me or the company because my best work is not shining through.

Any words of wisdom or tips?

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AnonymousJanuary 16,2024 at 1:57PM UTC
In Myers Briggs typology, you are a J surrounded by P people. They need you, and your differences are why they need you. But don't expect them to be J people when they're with you. Find a middle ground.
Cara GardnerJanuary 16,2024 at 2:09PM UTC
Relieve yourself of the burden of guilt. It's not your job to save the whole company. 6months is a long time to still be in chaos. Granted there is always pivoting and such but there should be some kind of middle ground calm. The fact that your 1:1s get cancelled reveal the chaos is coming from the top. It's not going to change.
Anyone else may leave and won't feel guilty for leaving, you shouldn't either! You need to look out for yourself and well-being, the company certainly wont!
Me!January 16,2024 at 2:11PM UTC
If this company is not allowing you to be the best move on. Choose you it’s not about everyone else.
AnonymousJanuary 16,2024 at 2:18PM UTC
Don’t feel guilty about looking for employment elsewhere. I recently left a workplace like the one you are describing; it was a chaotic mess run by children. Who needs to deal with that everyday? No one.
AnonymousJanuary 16,2024 at 2:46PM UTC
If it isn't working for you, then it isn't working. If "they" decide you aren't working, I can guarantee they won't have any guilt about letting you go. I know you hate it for your coworkers but it isn't for you to feel guilty about.
AnonymousJanuary 16,2024 at 2:53PM UTC
Realizing you have been, and can be, successful with the right culture is a huge accomplishment in itself.
Kudos to you! You are leaving their chaos culture, which they were OK giving to you when you joined. Not a failure - you were able to gain experience with that type of culture and can use as preview of next opportunity to find better fit.
kimberly ringJanuary 16,2024 at 4:30PM UTC
Do not stay at a job if you can already tell it is unorganized and chaotic. I worked a job for 6 months last year trying to fix and help implement systems for a team that I really loved but they just WOULD not get it. Take it from my rehabilitated mental health, do not try to fit in a chaotic mess if it is already incredibly noticeable.
Georgia "Luna" PapageorgopoulouJanuary 16,2024 at 4:32PM UTC
I can imagine how frustrating this is for you! Although you feel overwhelmed with guilt, think about how unfairly they have treated you by hiding such important information about the chaos that prevails in your company. You deserve a better work environment where you can hone your skills.
PS: You didn't fail the company, they failed you!
AnonymousJanuary 16,2024 at 7:18PM UTC
Not every person is a fit for every company.
Years ago my company created a new position to help with processes and procedures. We'd grown but processes had remained the same and needed to change. The person brought in was very smart and had great ideas. But she just never meshed with the company. She was advised by co-workers to go for "long hanging fruit" and change things gradually, gain trust; this would go over better and be easier. But she wanted to implement sweeping changes that the owner just wasn't ready for. She wasn't wrong, her ideas were great. But the company wasn't ready. She lasted maybe 6 months. I really liked her but could see that she wasn't a fit for the leadership. She left and is quite successful elsewhere.
Anne KrookJanuary 16,2024 at 7:23PM UTC
No guilt. A bad fit is a bad fit, happens a lot, and both you and the company will be better off if the post your currently occupied is freed for them to find someone whose work style is closer to theirs
Tami CannizzaroJanuary 16,2024 at 8:20PM UTC
I can understand how you feel...yet - No guilt! For that reason - and that you've been trying for 6 months - I'd say start looking for another position that may be a better overall fit for you, while continuing to do your best work at your current company. When asked, "why are you making a move after such a short time?" your answer is, "While I was excited to join XYZ firm and have learned a lot, overall it's just not a good fit for me in the long run. If pressed further, "And my goal is to contribute to an organization for the long term" (This is not a lie; we never know exactly how long we may stay with an organization - could be 3 years, could be 10 years, depending on how things go)
AnonymousJanuary 16,2024 at 10:38PM UTC
The culture at this company is not a good fit for you. You are not able to do your best work in this environment, nor is the company able to offer you the support you need.
There is no shame in this, it’s just a poor match despite everyone’s best efforts and intentions. Keep interviewing without guilt.
AnonymousJanuary 17,2024 at 12:33AM UTC
Yes, give it time. When a company is going through transition they may have hired you with your seasoning and experience to be a part of helping to put things right. Take the opportunity to grow your own experience and to do things that may not be in your usual style or function. Stretch yourself a bit. Worst case you still look around and learn new skills and make an impact there that is valuable to you and them. If you are comparing them to other places in the past that are more mature and organized then find a place that is like that and move back to that. Not everyone functions well in chaos and change and maybe you are learning that about yourself? Open yourself up to change, ask for help and if things don't change and you still feel the same look elsewhere. Don't feel guilty if that happens not everything fits.
Joan Williams, Senior Talent Acquisition SpecialistJanuary 17,2024 at 12:53AM UTC
Guilty about what? Wanting what's best for you? Wanting a job you're happy and fulfilled in?
I PROMISE you none of your team members have ever, will ever, say "Gee, I'd really love to take this great new job but I'd feel so guilty leaving Anonymous". Not gonna happen.
Please know that you have every right to be happy and fulfilled in your job. You have a responsibility to yourself (and those in your life effected) to make the best decisions for you.
Doing what's best for you isn't failure - it's taking back your power. Being miserable is a choice - choose to be happy!
AnonymousJanuary 17,2024 at 2:44PM UTC
I needed this today ! I'm not the OP, yet you have helped me. Thank you!! :)
Joan Williams, Senior Talent Acquisition SpecialistJanuary 17,2024 at 5:49PM UTC
You are welcome!
AnonymousJanuary 17,2024 at 2:26AM UTC
Write down what isn't working for you (at home or on a personal computer where it can be kept private). Think about that list. It will help you process your current experiences and put it in perspective. Then, use that list to create your must haves for your next position and start looking. This is what I did when I was fed up. It made me feel like I was moving forward and taking action and less stuck. Oh, and don't feel guilt because they can't hire enough people. That is 100% not on you.
AnonymousJanuary 17,2024 at 4:11PM UTC
Keep in mind that almost every company would dump you in a heartbeat if you were not a fit. RUN
AnonymousJanuary 17,2024 at 5:13PM UTC
The anti-work communist in me is very strong.
If your boss isn't interested in results, you shouldn't be either.
Kick back, enjoy your payments and move on if it will make you happier.
You owe allegiance only to yourself. They're not family.
If it feels like leaching, then suck them dry.
Regina BrownJanuary 17,2024 at 6:17PM UTC
You said it yourself, "I know this isn't fair to me or the company because my best work is not shining through."
STOP feeling guilty. STOP feeling like a failure.
Find what makes YOU happy...period.
Ellyn Specker CharapJanuary 17,2024 at 6:35PM UTC
Ugh, it's so hard to be in this position! However, your plan to leave is good. My only advice: try to be good to yourself. Guilt at leaving is totally understandable, but if you can, try to let the guilt go. It's only going to get in the way of getting a better job situation.
*gentle hug*
Sheila PhieldsJanuary 18,2024 at 1:28PM UTC
I feel like I’m reading my own experience at this very moment down to job title. I gave my new employment 1 year and resigned 1 week ago due to debilitating stress. I just went through this two years ago with the same type of role. While some of what you describe is very similar to my experience, my main reason for resigning is that I was carrying the workload of a PM and an Implementation Manager. The PM was fired 2 months into their role and never back filled. I was told by senior leadership that they cannot find qualified people with the required experience (same story from previous company). I was given no compensation or acknowledgment of the extra work and was also told at time of resignation that this position has a high turnover rate. I believe I’m number 4 or 5 in the past two years. I wish I had more to offer than my own story, but I’m optimistic that by airing these experiences, leadership will take action. Best of luck to you!
BarbaraJanuary 18,2024 at 2:00PM UTC
Be. They’re done that. Good luck to you in the future. I hope your next position is a fit. I finally found one, tho chaos is still prevalent at least I’m working with colleagues who actually care about the mission and want to progress.
AnonymousJanuary 18,2024 at 1:35PM UTC
The company doesn’t expect any more of you than you are already giving. The frustration is coming from your very high standards. I understand that you want to feel a sense of accomplishment after six months, however the name of the game is navigating the uncertainty of this org transition.
Youre learning different skills now: how to navigate org uncertainty and ambiguity. Try to reframe your thinking to focus on the different and unusual skills that you’re learning now. I went through an org transition and I hated the uncertainty of it, however, it become handy for a later role in consulting. I had an “insider” perspective that helped me bridge communication gaps across teams.
I now believe in learning every lesson.
BarbaraJanuary 18,2024 at 1:56PM UTC
It’s hard to work in a train wreck. Not all of us are good at it. I’ve been in a few similar situations and found it’s me, not them. I see clearly what needs to be done to right the ship and found resistance from fhe top. Some companies oddly thrive on chaos and crises management. Don’t know why or how but they do. Like you I take great pride in my problem solving and organizational skills. My project management expertise has been hard won and I love it. But, if you don’t have buy in for your process and support from the top your results will not be valued and your recommendations scrapped. It’s good to verify all this at your next job or you will continue to be the fall guy which serves the purpose of the chaos mongers.
Evelyn CruzJanuary 18,2024 at 2:38PM UTC
There's no need to feel guilty. The same way a company has the right to evaluate you, you have to right to evaluate your relationship with them. Don't wait to get out as soon as you can. In the meantime adjust your work habits to mimic theirs. If they have no sense of urgency and you have a deadline be creative and prepare their content or provide them as much info. Providing a follow up date. Of they still don't deliver it is on them. You have carried them or brought them as far as you can. At the end of the day NO company owes you anything and will drop you when they feel the need to. There is no commitment. Take care of yourself and your family. Find another job. Good luck.
AnonymousJanuary 18,2024 at 2:51PM UTC
I think your title says it all. I have noticed that some people thrive when things are laid out and know what to expect at every turn. Others thrive in uncertainty and are given the latitude to figure things out on their own.
For me, I prefer to have a project 60-80% defined when assigned, and I get to put the rest together. I do not work well when micromanaged, and things are so structured that there is no room for creativity or adjustment if things originally envisioned don't work. Neither is right or wrong. It is just the different way that people work. As a new manager, I had to learn it fast and adjust to those who wanted more structure than I was used to. I also had to add structure to my style, so learning to adapt to the environment can help your long-term career.