Advice regarding pride

Anonymous

February 13,2024 at 6:59PM UTC

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Advice regarding pride

I have been out of the workforce since 2020 due to caregiving and bereavement. I took an early retirement in 2020 that was being offered at the time so I could take care of my Mom. I took time off when she passed and started to look last summer with no luck. Either I don't hear back from recruiters or get ghosted (which is very frustrating!). I have contacts that I can reach out to and help me find a job. But honestly, I feel embarrassed being out so long and I let my pride get in the way. I get mad at myself since these contacts know my work ethic and I know they would be willing to help in anyway they can. How can I convince myself that it's okay to ask for help??

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AnonymousFebruary 13,2024 at 8:00PM UTC
I was out of work for six years and ended up landing the best job of my career in my mid 50’s.
Personally I think you have a great story having been retired and now wanting to return to the work force.
I dont know about you but I really don’t want to take cooking, Italian or Italian cooking classes when I’m still able enough to work.
KatFebruary 13,2024 at 8:38PM UTC
There's nothing to be embarrassed about here. You took time off for a very good reason. No one will fault you for that. Many women feel that they can't ask for help because they're never supposed to admit they're struggling. We're taught early on that other's needs come first and we can't complain because there's always some one that has it worse. It's a difficult mind set to overcome.
However, everyone knows how confusing and messed up the job market and the recruitment process is for jobs now. It's ok to ask your contacts for help in navigating the "new normal" of the job market. Call or email your contacts to catch up. Let them know that you're looking and to let you know if they're aware of something in your field/area of expertise. If that feels too direct/awkward, ask if you can use these contacts as a reference. It will let them know you're looking and they could mention openings they know about. If they don't, tell them to keep you in mind if they do find a good job lead. Your career and financial well being should matter more than playing martyr. There aren't karmic bonus points for doing things the hard way. Good people are always willing to help-let them. Good luck!
AnonymousFebruary 13,2024 at 9:42PM UTC
Just remind yourself that everyone needs to work and be grateful you have a healthy network willing and able to help.
AnonymousFebruary 13,2024 at 11:48PM UTC
Think of it this way - how would you feel if you were working and one of your contacts reached out to you after taking time to care for an ill family member. You'd likely be happy to help if you could, and would feel good you were able to make a difference in someone else's life - and would also be glad you referred a good candidate to someone who could use her. Networking is the main way people get jobs, and it's no wonder - people feel much more comfortable a referral from a trusted friend will do a good job. So reach out now!!!
AnonymousFebruary 14,2024 at 2:23AM UTC
It’s great that you are asking this question!
Consider the following:
•These folks will be happy to hear from you.
•People love to be helpful when they can.
•We all need help at one time or another. This just happens to be your time. The people you need to call have no doubt reached out for help and/or will need to do so in the future.
•If you never reach out, you have wasted your relationships. A contact you never reach out to is no better than having no contact at all.
•You would help them if the situation was reversed, right?
•The faster you get a new job, the more you’ll be able to do for these friends and others in your circle.
To make it easier to call them, develop a script that is comfortable for you or email them first. Absolutely no need to feel embarrassed. You did a wonderful thing in caring for your mother and your contacts will recognize this. All you need are words that describe your situation. Here are some possibilities to get your mind going — as you can see, you only need a few sentences:
•I took a career break to attend to family matters. Now that they are resolved, I’m hoping to return to work. Would you happen to know of any opportunities in [insert your field]?
•I’ve been a caregiver for the last few years, but I’ve decided to return to work. Would you be willing to meet with me to discuss hiring trends?
•I took a career break to care for my mother in her final illness. Now, I’m eager to return to work. Could I meet you for coffee to discuss this?
•I’ve been home with my mother. Now that she’s passed on, I’ve decided to return to work. I was wondering if you could help me get a handle on who might be hiring?
•I retired to care for my mother. Now that she’s passed on, it’s time for me to return to work. I’m trying to sort out my options and would value your advice.
AnonymousFebruary 28,2024 at 1:47AM UTC
Thank you for the advice!