It's not normal to cry multiple times a week at work...

21 Comments

1. AnonymousFebruary 6,2024 at 2:52AM UTC

   First and foremost he needs time off and is taking care of himself. This is what you should be doing. But for some reason you have chosen to take on the stress and workload. That is a choice. Please understand that only you can take care of you.

   A valuable asset is not treated like this. A valuable asset is treasured. You are not treasured. You are treated like a work horse.

   This is not a healthy environment fir you and the feelings of responsibility only go one way.

2. Janet ParkhurstFebruary 6,2024 at 3:45AM UTC

   Very well said. (Especially the comment about the one-way perception of responsibility!) I found myself in that situation a while ago. Working very hard, getting zero time off while my boss took exotic, two-week vacations whenever (without letting me know). Additionally, the office staff was unresponsive and unsupportive of my efforts, while another employee who didn't work half as hard as I did (and had considerably fewer responsibilities) got his praises sung, regularly. I finally realized I was not appreciated and quit. No one should be crying on her way home from work.

3. AnonymousFebruary 6,2024 at 8:02PM UTC

   You are not heard. Your complaints and efforts to improve things go without resolution. You are only appreciated insofar as you make you boss's life easier. He doesn't feel the need to do anything to make your life easier. He doesn't bother to tell you about his vacation plans or help you carry the additional work load. He has not concern. He just needs you to keep working hard and not burden him with anything that doesn't immediately benefit him.

   Hopefully you can find a better job. In the meantime try and take care of yourself. Only perform your 8 hours at a pace that's comfortable for you. For once let your boss worry about the work, workload, and how it will all get done. Practice focusing on yourself and finding ways to relieve your stress so you are not crying every evening on your way home. The internet is full of suggested ways you can heal yourself and increase your joy. You need to figure this out and stop expecting your boss to step up.

4. KFebruary 7,2024 at 10:37AM UTC

   I hear you- been there. Keep applying and get out of there, you can't fix that eyesore of a problem. It's not you. And it won't rain forever- keep applying. x

5. AnonymousFebruary 7,2024 at 1:55PM UTC

   Are you going to your manager with solutions rather than complaints? If you bring answers and are still not being heard, by all means, get out of there. If you say you are overwhelmed and not offering ways to fix it, they aren't listening because there is nothing to hear. I know what it was like not to be heard and be afraid to take a vacation because my manager didn't want to approve it since nobody else knew how to respond to a crisis. When they wouldn't offer me, anyone to train (which I suggested numerous times), I left, and guess what? Someone stepped up at the first crisis.

6. AnonymousFebruary 7,2024 at 1:57PM UTC

   Too many people are defending your boss and blaming you. You need to get out of there. I've been there and done that, and I can tell you right now this guy doesn't give one shit about you. Only cares about himself. He'll learn the hard way when you leave and no one can pick up the slack.

   Everyone is overworked? That is management's fault. Not yours.

7. Dianna DeeleyFebruary 7,2024 at 2:04PM UTC

   I am so sorry you're going through this.

   Two things: 1. Set hard limits on your day, and do not let "emergencies " break them. If it can't get done during the work day, it wasn't that important. 2. Watch your diet! If you're topping up your energy with carbs and sugars and caffeine, you may be compounding your work stress with nutritional crashes.

   I hope things improve for you.

8. AnonymousFebruary 7,2024 at 3:47PM UTC

   This 100%

9. AnonymousFebruary 7,2024 at 4:22PM UTC

   Time to go. That environment won't change. Sixteen months is enough time to tell a potential new employer that you want a new challenge or a different opportunity and have it not raise too many eyebrows.

10. AnonymousFebruary 7,2024 at 5:36PM UTC

    Breathe! I applaud your manager for taking time and vacations but not to let you know especially since you count on him for replies and are dealing with the pressures of direct customer contact which we all know is incredibly challenging. Now that he is back please please sit him down. Tell him what you need from him and set parameters around how much work you can take on, that you will tell him no when you are at the saturation point and that you need him to respond to you when he is OoO within a certain time frame if it is imperative. Try to make this work for now, you may just find that managing your manager and setting expectations will help soothe the current job for now. I would surely suggest continuing to look if you are truly unhappy but being valued gives you some leverage to show them that they need to reciprocate the love back to you with some relief. Perhaps you can work out a stress reduction day every other week where you just do follow up and not anything else or WFH or some other form of release for the pressure. Ask for it, the worst he can say is no and then you know your job search is going to be more important than anything. Good luck!

11. Stephanie Branch LekowskiFebruary 8,2024 at 3:08PM UTC

    You are getting taken advantage of. They know you will put up with their garbage because you are not threatening to leave. They think they have you right where they want you. While you don't want to leave a job without having another one to go to, it's not worth your mental health. You may be having trouble getting interviews due to being at your job only 16 months- you'll look like a "flight risk". Have your resume reviewed and start considering where else you can go that you want to go to and not just sending out a resume blast that will most likely get you another job in a toxic situation like this one sounds. Potential employers can smell desperation and the need to be rescued. Value yourself more than that.

12. LORI-ANN BURLINGAMEFebruary 8,2024 at 3:48PM UTC

    Does your employer have an Employee Assistance Program? If they do, you may want to make an appointment to meet with a counselor. Talking with an objective third-party -- they may have ideas or suggestions on how best to address the issues.

    In addition, when we are going through a stressful time, we often reveal this to others unknowingly. The companies that you have applied with may be picking up on your frustration.

13. AnonymousFebruary 8,2024 at 7:58PM UTC

    Not sure it will help but I think there are a lot of us who cry in our cars on the way home. Not a great statement about the jobs we do or how our lives are lived but at least you know you're not alone.

14. Colleen HansonFebruary 9,2024 at 2:29PM UTC

    I'm so sorry!!! I have had jobs in the past that have broken me down like that and it is just miserable. I had one job where I found myself in the ladies room crying uncontrollably numerous times a week and then I would cry all the way home in the car. Please hang in there and continue with your job search. Also, don't put too much pressure on yourself while looking for a new position because the last thing you want to do is take another job out of desperation and end up in another bad situation. My heart goes out to you!

15. AnonymousFebruary 9,2024 at 5:29PM UTC

    Hard as it is, and I know because I’ve been there, you have to slow down/stop being so accommodating. You are one person. You need to talk to your boss about cross training. If you are out for a day or two, there should be at least one other person who knows what to do/answers to questions.

    I have a binder called Hit By A Bus on my desk. In it, is almost everything I do, how to find things, processes, steps, phone numbers, account codes, etc. People laugh at its title, but it is designed so that anyone can look up information in the book. No, it doesn’t have EVERYTHING, but most things. It took time to set up, and I have to remember to update it periodically.

16. Danielle CastilloFebruary 9,2024 at 5:37PM UTC

    Please take a vacation immediately. I know the team depends on you and you obviously care a lot, but you have to take care of yourself first. Breaking down so often is not a normal or healthy part of work. As women, we tend to put every one and every thing before ourselves and that needs to stop. I know your coworkers are also stretched thin, but ask them for help when you have too much on your plate. Talk to this VP of Operations again about your frustrations and put it in writing. Also, keep job searching in case nothing changes. The job market is tough right now, but don't give up. Take a week's vacation or two back to back weekends like the VP! Good luck!

17. AnonymousFebruary 9,2024 at 7:19PM UTC

    It's not your job to figure out how to keep the company afloat in your absence. That's on management. Take your vacation time in accordance with your company's policies, and let the chips fall where they may. Your VP is leading by example in taking his vacation time, the best thing you can do for yourself is follow it.

18. AnonymousFebruary 9,2024 at 8:20PM UTC

    I also fell into this trap in the past. They do not value you, they are exploiting you. It's not your responsibility to sacrifice your health and well-being and not take your vacation because the company is understaffed. We all like to feel irreplaceable and valuable but the ugly truth of work is that you really aren't and you need to maintain you as a priority in your life.

    Let things fail. Do not do everything. It's hard advice if you are like me but it's some of the best i received. Until we refuse to work ourselves to death with no boundaries, nothing will change.

    In the meantime, I really empathize and I hope that you are able to find a new role soon.

19. AnonymousFebruary 10,2024 at 1:18AM UTC

    I don't think they value you as much as they expect you to solve everything they don't want to do.

    Maybe start delegating responsibilities. You are one person and cannot do it all.

20. AnonymousFebruary 10,2024 at 3:09PM UTC

    I have been where you are and i stayed in that position way longer than i should have. It took a toll on my mental and physical health. What helped me was using my PTO regularly. I would just pick random days to take off so i had something to look forward to. If someone gave me a task/project, I made sure to pad all deadlines with a couple extra days. The goal was to provide breathing room so i didn't feel so pressured. Hobbies outside of work became really important. And of couse, start applying for jobs to get out of there. They will continue to exploit you and load more work on you with no extra compensation because they know they can. Managers like this suck. Get out.

21. Liz MilneFebruary 11,2024 at 2:07AM UTC

    Okay, you're not being listened to, if nothing is being done about your concerns and your boss is taking two back-to-back vacations when he knows that you are, to use your own, very evocative word, 'drowning'... I hope you find a kinder place of work soon.

    Because yes, it's not right to cry at work ever! Never mind nearly every day...