My company is demonstrably dysfunctional.

Anonymous

January 24,2024 at 8:23PM UTC

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My company is demonstrably dysfunctional.

The CEO and top VP are BFFs and have moved from company to company together. Female is 20 years older and mentors male. People call her his mommy. Third exec has been with company for 20 years and does whatever the f*ck they want. Everyone comments on how they do whatever they want and do not really listen unless they have to (like they follow laws.) I report to the BFFs. The older “mommy” has many rumors of dementia as she does not remember anything, says and does opposite, when shown proof of it (emails that say opposite) she says she has the authority to change her mind, but after arguing that she never said it. No one challenges or tries to make a difference. All of my management peers have given up. New executives feel frozen out and are noticeably out in the cold.

For the first year, I pushed and pushed to try to change and influence. After hitting many walls, I just stopped. I try hard with peers, customers and areas I can lead, but am no longer trying to change the C suite culture.

The new executive tried to coach me to be bolder and force my way of work. I asked if she had been able to do that and she said she was mostly frozen out unless absolutely needed. So great advice but if it has not worked for her, how would it work for me?

Due to budget concerns, budgets are cut for travel. For me that means all of my executive meeting attendance was cut. I am just a regular individual contributor now. I was basically demoted after 18 months.

Soooooo, now what?

Coast?

Job hop?

Try to crawl my way back into their crazy C suite?

Give up?

My pay and benefits are really high so it would be really dumb to just quit.

I do not know how to be on the outside and not important.

This could be a huge blessing, but I feel like if I am not greedy for power I am not working hard enough.

I also decided I’m not taking critiques from people who have never spent more than five minutes trying to work with me, mentor me, or get to know me.

Would love thoughts and support.

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AnonymousJanuary 24,2024 at 9:20PM UTC
Since you are very aware of your environment, the current $ limitations of the company and how you personally want to operate and grow as a professional, I'm not sure what you can try that you haven't already tried. The company is very much functioning as the leadership has agreed that it should.
Personally, I would not waste time trying to force change in even small ways. It would frustrate me too much and stress my professional sensibilities. I'm just not built like that.
So, since you want to stay, I would focus on the things in your life you can impact and receive satisfaction from. That means maybe a side hustle where you can contribute to you professional ambitions while earning great extra income. You could also volunteer to support a cause close to your heart. There are many ways to balance your stagnation at work where you can create, offer value and lead with strength and vision.
AnonymousJanuary 24,2024 at 10:48PM UTC
Awesome ideas. Thanks!
AnonymousJanuary 24,2024 at 10:01PM UTC
Something very similar just happened to me. I was able to leverage my position and slight opposition to get out of the company with a solid severance. If your place is this dysfunctional, I bet that there’s a way for you to do that too. Some early signs of slight financial stability were showing at mine, so they were happy enough to pay to get me out, get my salary and bonus off their books. So we came to an agreement and I’m doing contract work, which there seems like a ton of btw, and has given me a lot of freedom and time. It really worked in my favor. Good luck!
AnonymousJanuary 24,2024 at 10:47PM UTC
Any ideas of how much severance is standard for a buy out?
AnonymousJanuary 25,2024 at 8:58PM UTC
Severance for a buyout is often influenced by an employee’s seniority and the financial strength of the company. I’d say 6 months to a year is ballpark.
I know two people at major corporations — both department heads with ~25 years of tenure — who have recently accepted buyouts that offered a year of salary.
AnonymousJanuary 27,2024 at 2:44AM UTC
I received a 6 month severance and an equal amount as a buyout, so a year total compensation.
AnonymousJanuary 24,2024 at 10:35PM UTC
Your company will not change until C-suite management changes. There is virtually nothing that you can do to alter this dynamic.
I suggest that you tune out the craziness (yes, difficult), focus on your immediate work responsibilities and interests outside the office, coast as needed and look for new employment.
One important step: leave work at work every night. Pointless to carry the on-the-job craziness home with you.
AnonymousJanuary 24,2024 at 10:46PM UTC
Awesome! This is very different than my previous approaches at jobs, which was always striving for the next promotion and to be the best. Do you have any specific tips or practices? I am training my brain not to be addicted to work drama. It is a hard habit to break.
AnonymousJanuary 25,2024 at 8:27PM UTC
Here is my advice:
1)Put your important personal priorities first. Leave early if you can or use flex time to attend to personal or family needs. If you have a private office, do your important personal calls (booking medical appointments, arranging travel) first thing and then turn to your work responsibilities (assuming of course that you have nothing urgent pending at work.)
2)Unless absolutely necessary, leave work on time and don’t work on evenings, weekends or holidays.
3)Use all your vacation/PTO — you’ve earned it.
4)Develop a personal calendar that includes your personal/family events and stick to it. If you are asked to work during these times, reply “Sorry, I have a conflict,” or “I’m already booked.”
5)Institute the “The worse the day, the better the evening” rule: When you get home from work, limit your time for reprocessing/complaining/venting about work issues to 20 minutes maximum. After that, dedicate yourself to enjoying your evening. If you’ve had a really rough day, do something special for yourself that night to take your mind off the office.
6)If you need more outside activities, cultivate them. Anything you want to do is fair game. A few of many possibilities: Take a class in sometgjoin a gym or hire a trainer, volunteer for a cause that interests you, go to concerts/theaters/art galleries, learn to play a new sport or join a sports league.
JJJanuary 24,2024 at 11:02PM UTC
I hear of these types of problem leaders and toxic companies a lot!
Great advice here.
Has anyone been able to change a bad/toxic/cool-kids club only company? Have you ever seen one change? Does everyone at the top have to get fired? Does anything work?
AnonymousJanuary 25,2024 at 8:48PM UTC
On your bad/toxic/cool kids club company: No, I’ve had zero luck in changing environments like that. The bad behavior tends to become ingrained in the culture and even in business processes.
The only thing that might work is if top leadership changes en masse: e.g. the company is sold.
If the problem is at the business unit level, or if business units differ in their leadership style, an internal transfer might help.
AnonymousJanuary 25,2024 at 1:10AM UTC
Take the $$, have an easier role and live life.
AnonymousJanuary 25,2024 at 7:20AM UTC
Ride the wave