What to do?

Dr. Patty Gross

January 24,2024 at 2:04AM UTC

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What to do?

I am searching nationwide in the US for executive non-profit positions, post-doctoral fellowships, and other human services-related positions that a professional doctorate candidate would best serve. I learned today that my husband is getting very close to needing dialysis or a kidney transplant. It will likely be a few months, and since I am searching for executive positions, it will probably take several months to find what I am looking for. He is very much ok with us relocating, but at this point, I am considering returning to a local search only because I can't see uprooting him from the doctors and having to start this process over. I know this is very early in the process because we don't know how long he has before he goes into complete kidney failure, requiring ongoing dialysis. We are five percentage points away from the threshold of requiring dialysis now. The doctor told him he needed to get on the transplant registry today. We haven't notified the family to see if there is a living donor, so it isn't clear how hard it will be to find a match.

The only reason I am posting here is to see if there is any advice from anyone who has had a similar experience or any advice on the timing of removing myself from positions that would require relocation. Right now, he is my number one concern, and I don't want to do anything that could jeopardize his health, including the stress of relocation, especially since he has lived here his entire life.

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AnonymousJanuary 24,2024 at 10:29PM UTC
This is just a thought, but in your current geographic location are you near family or any other reliable support system? Would there be any option for him to stay with them and thus his current medical care team while you pursue opportunities in other areas that would lead to better prosperity for you both over time?
Dr. Patty GrossJanuary 25,2024 at 1:51AM UTC
The closest relative is about 100 miles away, and near the area we are considering relocating. He indicates that he would still move for me, but I am afraid it would disrupt things to a degree that is detrimental to his health. Right now, he is on disability, so he isn't tied to a job. We live in an area with a sound healthcare system, and we like his doctors. It's taken us over a year to settle in with this care team, and I don't want to go through that again. We have both lost our parents, and our other family is pretty scattered all over the US. Thank you for the suggestion, though. That was the first thing I considered, as we will have to start considering what to do if the transplant becomes imminent and we need a donor. Unfortunately, he doesn't have a lot of family. Mine is all in the midwest.