How to improve communications with a coworker?

Anonymous

September 28,2023 at 2:22AM UTC

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How to improve communications with a coworker?

I have been with a company for 2 years but with recent layoffs, moved to a different role that is very different than my last. I’m retraining with a coworker who I have known since I’ve started and been in the role around 2 months now. Lately, they have been very short on their chat messages, making comments that to me feel dismissive and inconvenient to them, especially when asking a question to confirm I am understanding the new role. I addressed my concern with them directly to move on and have a better form of communication, however they responded and looped in our manager. My goal was just to have a quick discussion since things over email can become misinterpreted easily (especially tone.) Any advice on how to 1.) continue to advocate for myself 2.) make sure this does not become a long term issue with communications 3.) how can I better ask questions without being an inconvenience with learning this new role

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AnonymousSeptember 28,2023 at 2:48AM UTC
Most likely their manager has spoken to them about not spending too much time training or answering questions.
It's sounds like they are trying to disengage according to direction and not personal. I would collect my thoughts, questions and reiterate the issues that are causing you difficulties. Then in a single concise and organized emailed bullet point your items for response. Copy you coworker's boss and wait for a response. After 2 months, the boss might assume you have grasped the work and not need her report's detailed help. She might be conscious of their time, workload and need to have them focus more on that.
If you do need more training time then go to your boss and request it and not your coworkers.
Everyone learns at difficult speeds and because you've worked at the company for years, maybe they assume you either already know this or you dont not need much training.
You need to remind everyone you're new to this and need what you need and shouldn't be expected to be fully up to speed.
That's advocating for yourself.
AnonymousSeptember 28,2023 at 2:55AM UTC
It might be that they are being short and dismissive because of things going on outside of work. I’d invite her to lunch and talk about your families.
AnonymousSeptember 28,2023 at 5:15AM UTC
One possibility — depending on the manager’s stance — is to approach the manager to ask what your retraining expectations should be vis a vis your colleague, b/c your colleague looped in the manager.
You also might want to include manager in your questions sent via email:
Hi, Colleague and Manager, I’m wondering about (insert problem or subject.) What do you advise? I’m happy to visit with you on this or get your advice via email — whatever is best for you. Thanks so much for your feedback.
AnonymousSeptember 28,2023 at 1:46PM UTC
Are you in-person, hybrid, or remote? This can make a difference on how to approach this, because hybrid and remote face-to-face conversations are much more difficult and time-consuming (sometimes). One thing I've noticed recently is that the world has gone to a chat/text only form of communication to a large degree. Email for longer discussions. I'm not sure what to do about it, because you are right, you cannot read body language or gauge tone over electronic communication. You might want to suggest a weekly meeting with you, your coworker and your manager if you feel a need to review things and get questions answered, at least until you feel fully up to speed. This will reduce the need for 1:1 questions, except for those that require an immediate response.
AnonymousSeptember 29,2023 at 2:32PM UTC
If they are CCing your manager, I'd keep responding in the email thread to show that you have nothing to hide. A lot of times in my experience, people hate having to support employees learning new things because it is almost like being a supervisor without being recognized or paid to do so.
I would thank them for their patience (even if they are not giving it) and let them know that this is still something new for you, As a more experienced colleague, you see them as someone who can help answer questions in the moment or provide other support. Address the fact that you understand they are not our boss and not required to help you, and then ask what system would work best for them: asking questions when you have them in person, via email so they can get back to you when they are available, or an in-person meeting for a few minutes once a week where you write down all your questions and save them for then. Lastly, I'd address that you want to make sure you get up to speed quickly so you can be of value to the team, and you know that having them help you is extra work, but that you've noticed some tension and want to see if there is anything you can do to resolve it.
Good luck.
Zeecil KimmelOctober 2,2023 at 1:31PM UTC
I have been in my role for a year but there is so much that is still new to me and so many things I am expected to do and know that has nothing to do with my role. And people get frustrated with me that I do not know everything. But I love this response and I always tell people - thank you for having patience with me I am still learning. Make it clear that the lack of knowledge is with you but it is not your fault - no one knows how to run without crawling and walking first.