So many questions…

Anonymous

August 10,2023 at 4:00PM UTC

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So many questions…

but I’ll try to form one mostly coherent one.

I’m 58, recently divorced, employed full time in retail (not quite entry level, but not management) for the last several years. Before that I was a homemaker, self-employed as a seamstress. I also spent 4 yrs leading up to the pandemic volunteering as a costumed historical “interpreter” in one of the premiere living history museums in the country. This museum was my main sewing client during those years as well. Then I closed my business and went to work full time in my current job, because sewing is not a consistent nor reasonably compensatory kind of work. I don’t have a college degree.

I actually really like the work at my current job, though I’m noticing it’s causing some concerning wear and tear on my body. On the other hand, my GM is a person none of us enjoy working for. I am her particular target for harsh scolding and angry outbursts. It’s not just me that thinks this. Because we all wear radios, everyone can hear her, and a number of people, including management in our partner store in the same building, have made careful comments about it, in uncomfortable tones. It’s genuinely weird and unpleasant to hear, apparently. She also has a couple of faves who never get this treatment. Before I was whipping “boy”, I was a fave, and very anxious about when it would flip, as I sensed it eventually would, since it was based on nothing discernible. Neither being irrationally favored nor irrationally disdained are good for my health or the quality of my life outside work. I need to leave, but how do I do this in a good way? Is it possible?

I also need to buy a house, and move from my home of 25 yrs (divorced!), and I feel like that would be an excellent moment to leave my current job, take stock, and find a new direction. I only get 1 day off at a time, though, and houses get sold before I can look at them and follow through. The stress of the current job is draining my life energy to the point that I often can’t do much of anything on days off, but sit like a veg and try to recuperate, knowing that going to bed in the evening will just mean going to work the next morning. This inability to function also applies to trying to figure out what options are out here, and what I might do next.

I think my first question is; would it be a terrible idea to just quit and take some time to regroup and figure out some stuff?

Also, at my age and degree of education, is it overly idealistic to hope for a job that isn’t entry level? Something that pays an almost-living wage? I loved working as a volunteer in the historical museum, I love teaching people. My ideal would be a job where I get to teach people about how things work and why (history, social sciences, psychology, etc), change their framework and paradigm in some way that expands their options for solving problems in their lives. I know it’s too late to get a graduate degree, and I’m not even sure what that would look like, but is that the only option where I could use my intelligence and self-education to help people while earning a living of some kind?

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Grisel Scarantino, Career and Work-Life Fulfillment CoachAugust 10,2023 at 4:51PM UTC
My dear lady, I'm so sorry this is happening to you. You're right to ask that question about whether you should quit and take some time to regroup.
In my opinion, no job is worth the compounding effects of stress on our physical and emotional health. I speak from first-hand experience on this, and it's because of that experience that I am so passionate about the work I do as a career coach.
There are other employment options for you out there, it's just a matter of figuring out what they are.
I'd be happy to offer you a complimentary call to talk through your situation personally.
Another person you might want to speak with is Patricia Muir on LinkedIn, if you have an account there. She specializes in helping women in their 50s and 60s have joyful careers. If you don't have LinkedIn, her email address is patricia@maestroquality.com. She would be a wonderful resource for you, and I am almost positive she also offers complimentary calls.
Erstwhile3August 11,2023 at 1:22PM UTC
Thank you so much for this info about Patricia Muir on LinkedIn. I’ll follow this lead, definitely. I would be grateful to take you up on your offer of a consult call. The more I’ve read on this site, the more I’m thinking a bit of coaching, just to help me see what the actual possible options are, is a good next step.
Grisel Scarantino, Career and Work-Life Fulfillment CoachAugust 12,2023 at 8:12PM UTC
Yes, we all could use a bit of guidance from time to time, especially when things seem unclear. It would be my pleasure to meet you. You can book an appointment right on my website at https://www.griselscarantino.com. You’ll see buttons there to schedule a complimentary call with some dates and times. Simply choose one that suits your availability and we will meet over Zoom. On that call, we’ll discuss your current situation in more depth and I’ll share some strategies. Looking forward to meeting you :)
Erstwhile3August 21,2023 at 2:44PM UTC
Thank you! I just realized this reply was here. So sorry for the delay. Thought replies would show up in email. I cannot use the link. Both Safari and Chrome say that they cannot establish a secure link to the server.
Grisel Scarantino, Career and Work-Life Fulfillment CoachAugust 21,2023 at 4:58PM UTC
Hmmm, that's so weird! Let's try again: https://www.griselscarantino.com/ If that doesn't work, you can manually type my name into your search bar, place a www. in front of it and add a .com after it.
Ann M GoodenAugust 10,2023 at 5:38PM UTC
Here is what I have gleaned from your post.
First, I'd like to say I'm sorry you are going through this. Unfortunately we can't control the people we work with, especially those in management positions, especially if they are causing problems for the employees they are supposed to be leading.
Second, if you can consider buying a house, moving away and taking time to regroup, it sounds as though you could be somewhat financially secure. A huge plus in your favor if you are frugal and plan accordingly.
Third, your concerns about your age, your work history, and lack of formal education give you the impression that you don't have the salary options of someone who has a degree or the job history and experience of a well-paid professional. If I am correct, then we have a couple of things in common. I'll share a bit too.
I am 60 and recently divorced (that's the bit in common). I have a bachelor's degree in earth science. I have a long and varied job history spanning more than 40 years. Since my divorce two years ago, I have been unemployed, and having been living off my rapidly dwindling savings. I wisely invested the proceeds from our property division in a diverse stock portfolio, and I remain completely debt-free, so that's a plus in my favor. I DID make a big move to a larger city closer to family in hopes of finding more job opportunities and making a new life for myself.
It sounds depressing, but hang on, I'm almost done. I have only just begun my job search for re-entry into the workforce. Others have been doing it for months, and I've only been at it for a week. I'm finding my degree and experience are a double-edged sword. I'm either under-qualified or over-qualified, or just as qualified as a hundred other applicants out there. I don't know who or what I want to be when I grow up. No job or career path appeals to me. Until I figure that out, I will continue to struggle. My degree and experience mean nothing at this point. Do you get what I'm saying? Now for the good part.
YOU, on the other hand, KNOW what you want, and you said it, right there in black and white. Read your last paragraph again, starting with, "I loved... ...volunteering... teaching... how things work... history, social sciences, psychology, etc..."
IT IS NOT TOO LATE. It's not too late to start over (after divorce). It's not too late to get a formal education (I'm thinking about it as a career pivot point). If that intimidates you, get a teaching certificate. Teachers are in high demand. Yes, the pay sucks, but think of what you could do with all that knowledge swirling around in your head? You have PASSION. You express yourself beautifully. You ARE intelligent and educated. I can read between your lines. Honestly, it's not the degree or experience that makes it easier to get a good paying job. Look at me, perfect example. You know why? Because I don't have passion. I haven't found mine. Or if I have, it's buried so deep that I don't realizeit. Right now, I'm a skilled, educated automaton who can do any job well, but I won't be happy. It is YOU, your PASSION for learning, teaching, and sharing what you love, who will succeed before I will. And that is the truth.
Get out there and do what you love. The money will follow. (That's a book title, by the way). Best of luck to you. Girl YOU GOT THIS.
Erstwhile3August 11,2023 at 1:31PM UTC
I’m astonished at the helpfulness and sincerity of the replies to my post. Thank you for your frankness! While I don’t think it’s likely that no degree isn’t a disadvantage in many ways, your point is well taken and actually clarifies the landscape a bit. While I can’t imagine how to turn my passion into a living, you instill the hope that it just might be possible.
In turn, I hope that what you find IS a passion. It’s taken me all these years to uncover what it is that I just HAVE to do because I can’t NOT do it. I bet anything you also have something like that in your life. It may just be that it’s so much a part of you, that you’re not even seeing it in that light. You know? Just a thought from someone who doesn’t know you, so obviously add a teaspoon of salt.
Ann M GoodenAugust 11,2023 at 5:22PM UTC
I'll take it with sugar! Thank you! I know the right thing is out there for me. Once my life levels out a bit and I can look at things from my new perspective, I am sure I will find the key to my success. Here's to us!! :)
AnonymousAugust 10,2023 at 7:49PM UTC
You have a lot to unpack here. First, I'm sorry for your divorce, that is tough at any time in life. If you're on your own, then assess what you need in your life. Then, pick the 'next move'. I don't suggest to up end everything at once. It's tempting, but it' can also lead to disastrous ends. So, break it down what is the upside of selling v. what is the upside of quitting your job?
Maybe your last question is where you should begin. It's definitely something to consider.
Trite optimistic statements are not my thing. It will be a hard journey, but you sound like a woman who can make it.
Erstwhile3August 11,2023 at 1:37PM UTC
Yes, you make a great point. I do keep mulling over the contents of that last question, and have been, in circular fashion, for a couple years now. Partly due to lack of information, I think? Which is maybe where the instinct to post here, arose from, I guess.
AnonymousAugust 11,2023 at 12:40PM UTC
I got a bachelor's degree when I was 25, my first master's degree when I was 50, my second master's degree when I was 60; and I am now 67 and expect to have my doctorate by the end of the year. It is NEVER too late to learn. Never too late to start over. I have done it three times since I turned 50. I was laid off from an IT job in my late 40s shortly after an uncomfortable divorce, went into ministry, and have taken two pivots to figure out the type of ministry I am most suited for. I came to the conclusion (after wandering in the wilderness for 15 years) that service to the community (i.e., human services) is where I am meant to be. I agree that you should not try to do everything all at once. That was my big mistake, and it drained me financially and emotionally. Rather than buying a house, I might suggest you rent for a while, as the landlord does most of the upkeep you have to worry about in a house (depending, of course, on how soon you need to move out of your current place.
Erstwhile3August 11,2023 at 1:46PM UTC
Thank you so much for this info. I appreciate what you say about not trying to do everything at once.
Your experience does make me reconsider whether a degree might be an option…I would love to go to school. My main concern is financial, though. When I consider the cost of a degree, plus the time involved, I see a huge debt coming due just as I get too old to compete as a newbie in the professional world. Is that too bleak a way to view this, do you think? Or is it just realistic? I hear all the time about people who went back and either raised their degree level or got a degree, around my age, but I never hear anything about the financial side of this choice. Some have suggested to me that I could go to school for not as much as I might think, if I get scholarships, etc, and I need to look into those now that the divorce is finalized. Before, they would have taken my marital income into consideration, and it would have disqualified me for most assistance, probably, even though it wasn’t enough to afford the price tag of the schools around here. I am lucky though, I guess, in that I live in one of the most higher ed saturated places in the country.
AnonymousAugust 11,2023 at 4:19PM UTC
You can set up income-based payments using the federal student loan system when finished. After my last master's, I did that, and the payments were just $75 per month. They will forgive the balance if you pay them faithfully every month for ten years. I have been in a deferment period since starting the doctorate, so I don't know what they will be now.
Erstwhile3August 12,2023 at 11:38AM UTC
Thank you for this info! Will look at this possibility, definitely, I didn’t know it existed.
Ann M GoodenAugust 11,2023 at 5:29PM UTC
There are a lot of grant money and financial aid options and I've also heard that there are programs for retraining displaced homemakers that may include education. I am exploring these options as well. I sure miss living in a college town!
Ann M GoodenAugust 11,2023 at 5:24PM UTC
OMG. Rockstar!! You are an inspiration to all of us! Thank you for sharing!!
AnonymousAugust 12,2023 at 2:00PM UTC
A few things came to mind while reading your post.
First, I'd like to reiterate what others have mentioned: that you are definitely not too old to work on a degree.
I would suggest reaching out to the museum where you volunteered. They may have paid positions open, they already know you, and they may have other resources.
I know that theatre companies are often looking for seamstresses. I know it's not your ideal job...
I'll also echo advice about seeking resources to help with resume writing, etc. You have a lot of transferrable skills, and working with someone to highlight them will definitely help you.
Erstwhile3August 21,2023 at 2:54PM UTC
“I know that theatre companies are often looking for seamstresses. I know it's not your ideal job...”
Ironically, I’ve worked for theaters. Also, a living history museum. If sewing paid a living wage, and if it weren’t so physically damaging, I’d love to continue using my skills there. I spent a lifetime acquiring a very unusual level of expertise as a needle worker. It would be lovely if there was a way to turn that into an actual living.
AnonymousAugust 13,2023 at 2:42PM UTC
I can relate to so many things in your post. I'm not going to say I'm sorry you're going through this because I got divorced at 47 and it turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to me. I've known several people in this situation and what I always tell them is, "Congratulations! You're so lucky! Now you get to live the life you really want." I had compromised so much during my 1st marriage that I didn't even realize how unhappy I was. Now I'm married to someone who adores me and makes me feel loved every second of every day. You will find that too if that's what you want. That's the important thing. Get a mental picture of what you want your life to be and keep it there, front and center. It WILL come to you.
As for being the boss's whipping boy, I've been through that, too. I wasn't the target of the abuse but it was a small office and we could all hear how she would berate her target through her closed door. It gave me stomach aches and made me want to cry every day. I was lucky that another opportunity came up and I was able to quit that job. The boss ended up retiring shortly after.
I think you would be a great candidate to be a life coach. I don't think it requires a degree, only a certification, so you might be able to do it in your off-hours. If you have the means to take a couple of months off, go for it. Study full-time and look for a job. I wouldn't rule out working as a teaching assistant until you finish studying. They don't earn a lot but usually, you can leave when the students leave and you might have access to benefits. Now is the time to get into that since most school systems are desperate for help. I've substituted as a teacher's aide for Special Ed and English as a Second Language and it can be incredibly rewarding. You will satisfy your desire to help people and you might end up pursuing a degree in counseling that would allow you to be a school counselor. There are loan programs that will forgive the loan after a certain number of years if you work in public service. Check this out. https://studentaid.gov/manage-loans/forgiveness-cancellation/public-serviceGood luck to you! The best years of your life are ahead of you! Believe it and you will make it come true!