Is keeping in touch with past managers even worth it?

30 Comments

1. AnonymousAugust 8,2023 at 4:39PM UTC

   I think it's important to view work colleagues and friends differently.

   Work is about work. So networking, building careers and branching out from former jobs is, for the most part, growth.

   So while you recover from difficult circumstances, lick your wounds while you find your path, those connections and the legacy you build along the way serve to propell you forward and inform your future decisions (what kind of work ethic did you develop, what types of cultures and management style do you thrive under....etc).

   So while you focus your your mindset on dissecting toxicity and mismanagement and reliving your regret, I would ask myself what can these connections and my network offer me in the form of referrals, references and information? What can I offer my network in return from a distance?

   You don't have to be friends or a cheerleader. Its just business. You do need to recognize the difference between your career and your life, your professional network and your inner circle. It's good to understand that you pick your friends not your colleagues. Know the difference and understand their separate value.

   I've made a tremendous living abd traveled the world understanding where opportunities lay, where mutual service exists and how to get that for myself, my career and my family. It's an exchange of value added if you can level set your perspective.

2. AnonymousAugust 8,2023 at 5:37PM UTC

   I agree with the Anonymous poster. I am rebooting my career in a new city, state after a long career break. I'm trying not to regret my move since it is very expensive to live here, but the job opportunities are amazing. Everyone tells me that networking is the key, so I have been reaching out to some of my old colleagues and project leaders from an old employer. I found many of them on LinkedIn. I've gotten a couple of replies so far and their responses have been positive. I say yes, it is worth it to keep those connections, just keep them at arm's length and use them to your advantage. You don't have to be friends, and they may prove to be valuable resources.

3. Anne KrookAugust 8,2023 at 5:59PM UTC

   It is always worth staying on good terms, and LinkedIn is a good vehicle for staying in professiona touch. Think of it as professional courtesy that might be reciprocated for you someday. You never know who will be or refer your next great employee, or who will be or speak to your next boss.

4. AnonymousAugust 8,2023 at 6:00PM UTC

   Agree with the comments below! Good luck

5. Gretchen SkalkaAugust 8,2023 at 6:52PM UTC

   The world of work is actually very small.

   It's a good idea to stay in touch.

   Doesn't have to be birthday cards and ballyhoo - just an occasional email to say hello and ask how they're doing gets it done.

6. Joan Williams, Senior Talent Acquisition SpecialistAugust 8,2023 at 6:54PM UTC

   Staying in touch can mean different things with different people. It doesn't have to mean you're best friends with them or meet them for lunch. It doesn't mean you need to stay in touch with everyone.

   If for no other reason than for if you need references in the future, I recommend you pick a couple of people - one or two managers, two or three peers, if possible - and send them invites to connect on LinkedIn.

   LinkedIn is a great way to stay connected with previous co-workers - especially in an organization with high turnover where those folks may be moving onto different companies.

   These folks aren't your friends - they're professional connections. You never know when you're going to run into someone you worked with in a future organization you interview with or accept a position with.

   There should be no emotional investment in the process of connecting with former co-workers. It's just business. Just stay away from the most toxic.

7. AnonymousAugust 8,2023 at 9:43PM UTC

   I've stayed in touch with previous managers. One of them has been filling a critical volunteer role for me the past two years, another one just had heart surgery last month and I helped her for a few days. Life is about connections and you never know where they will lead.

8. AnonymousAugust 9,2023 at 1:03PM UTC

   Honestly, in most cases, I never looked back once I left, except for an occasional lunch right after I left. But once I was gone a year, I rarely saw any of my former coworkers, especially from the toxic environments. I would occasionally run into someone in public, and the conversations were just generally, "Hi there, how are you doing?" and the occasional "Is [some coworker] still there? Tell them I said hi." It's best to keep walking once you make that final trip out the door. The only place I keep any relationship is where I did a residency. I reach out to my manager there for references occasionally.

9. AnonymousAugust 9,2023 at 1:13PM UTC

   It is always a good thing to leave with open channels of communication and a friendly thought of staying in touch. That doesn't have to mean these people become your friends. It can be a simple like on a Linked In post, or a 'hello, was thinking of you' message if there is someone you would particularly like to have in your network. I have gotten jobs years later from old colleagues, simply from casually keeping in touch. It is worth it.

10. AnonymousAugust 9,2023 at 1:31PM UTC

    I would just connect on LinkedIn and then interact at whatever level you feel comfortable.

11. Valerie RiegerAugust 9,2023 at 4:23PM UTC

    I think it's to each his own. There are some former coworkers and managers that I keep in touch with and some that I don't. For those that I don't want to stay in true and real communication with I may connect with them on LinkedIn.

12. AnonymousAugust 9,2023 at 5:05PM UTC

    I would always err on the side of being the bigger person even if there was toxicity in the workplace if someone truly wants to keep in touch, it could be light touch, say hi every year on their birthday in linkedin and wish them well, it sure beats burning a bridge. These days backdoor references are when someone reaches out to a person that you did not share as a reference but worked in the same dept or company at the same time that you did that they might reach out to to see what they think of you even though you did not give them as a reference. That happened to me once, and then the person that I had kept in touch with told me he was reached out to and said hey I just gave a glowing reference on you. When the company made me the offer, I told my soon to be new manager on day one oh so and so told me he gave me a great reference. The look on his face was incredible as he had been caught...and then I laughed it off. This could have turned out differently had I not kept in touch.

13. AnonymousAugust 9,2023 at 7:39PM UTC

    If they are expressing a wish to continue the professional relationship, even saying they would want you to come back (although in the worst way possible) then I would advise against cutting the cord completely. Unless the person's behavior was so egregious a tie to them could damage your reputation, this is a connection that sees value in you and could potentially vouch for you. You do not need to call them or spend time with them, it can be as simple as connecting on LinkedIn and keeping them at an arms length.

    To answer your other question, I have on varying levels kept in touch and a couple times cut ties completely. When I was laid off 5 years ago from a role that started great and turned toxic, there were a handful of people I connected with individually that I reached out to immediately to let them know I was no longer in the role but valued our professional relationship. I just had coffee with one of those Directors and we've been a great support to each other over the years. I see the situation more clearly now than I did then and I've been comfortable reaching out to many of the others I've worked with and connecting. Some I've seen post jobs on LinkedIn and connected them with people I think would be a good fit. Other's I've had interesting work-related conversations with. One knew the manager at a job I applied to and he asked her about me and apparently said nice things because I got the job! Most of the people involved are guilty of being complicit and not much more. I might hope for better coworkers, but they aren't bad people and in a different environment would reach greater potential. It's the VP that created the toxic environment that I have no use for.

    When I have cut ties have been when I know without a doubt that that person goes against my own values and I wouldn't even want to accept a recommendation or help from them. An example being the owners of a coworking space I worked at for a few months that consistently asked me to do shady things (like have my friends and family write fake reviews for their space or lie about their wherabouts). I've seen them since at networking events and am polite ("Hi, how are you?") and literally nothing more. I don't have a conversation with them and avoid any group conversation they are in. My thought is this, if I know what kind of business they run after a couple months of working with them, others will catch on. I'm not interested in being in their circle or associated with them.

14. Linda QuarshieAugust 10,2023 at 12:42PM UTC

    If you are staying in the industry, absolutely important to keep your network tight, if not, you have to ask yourself if keeping in touch is important to you. That simple.

15. Peggie Arvidson * Career Consultant | Adoptee Advocate | RecruiterAugust 10,2023 at 1:30PM UTC

    I've always stayed in touch with people that I genuinely liked - and pop in their messages every once in a while when I think of them. Those that I didn't really care for I may send a quick "thought of you today" note to stay on their radar. My industry tends to be small and having people think positive thoughts about me isn't a bad thing when people reach out to them to check references or referrals.

16. Michele DarleyAugust 10,2023 at 1:41PM UTC

    If you had a good relationships, definitely stay in touch. They could be references or potentially someone that you could work with again or introduce you to someone for a networking opportunity. You can connect on LinkedIn and wish them a Happy Birthday when it comes up in your feed and that's keeping in touch. It doesn't mean you need to be friends.

17. Mara Jevera FulmerAugust 10,2023 at 2:40PM UTC

    For those you genuinely like and enjoy their friendship and/or support, I highly recommend staying in touch. For others that you feel good but not in a friend-like way, keep it on LinkedIn only and send a nice message now and then.

    I've had some really good experiences and even formed friendships with colleagues at work. It has been great to reconnect throughout our lives and respective careers and see the kids grow up, too. We even send Christmas cards and stay connected on Facebook even though we no longer live in the same part of (or even in) the country. These are lifelong friendships with members of a work family I treat as real family.

    I've also had some managers that if I ever ran into them again I would only want to see to say "Thank you" for making me leave your organization because it led me to doing something that was better for me in the longterm. But staying connected? No thanks. Only have so much energy to get through the day.

    Funny thing is that the most toxic one who gaslit me when I was early in my career popped up five or six years later in my office when I was working at a job I just loved! He wanted to know why I wasn't sending him a request that his firm bid on projects that I managed. "Because I only need to select three that I believe can do the job well and ethically - and you're not one of them." Sometimes Karma's a *itch.

18. AnonymousAugust 10,2023 at 2:44PM UTC

    I'm in my late career (6yrs left i hope). I do not have regular touch points with any of my former managers. I'm just not great at staying in touch in general. I truly wish I had kept in better touch with some of the good ones. While it may not feel like you need to at the time, when you are looking for a job in a tough market it never hurts to have a contact to be a reference or even help with a job at their current firm.

19. AnonymousAugust 10,2023 at 2:50PM UTC

    Keep in touch if you want to keep the bridge open. If you never want to work with them again, or simply don't like them then no need to keep in touch. Be polite if they reach out. I keep in touch both with former managers and employees, and really enjoy the touch points. You mentioned it's a completely new career, so sounds like you won't run into them again, at least professionally. Up to you.

20. Kannika BurchAugust 10,2023 at 2:51PM UTC

    Are you serious about one of your managers saying "I hope you fail so you'll come back to us."? Who says that? That can't be real. Wow! It's good that you left, does not sound like a place you want to stay at. As for keeping in touch, I would do it if they are somebody you could see using as a reference in the future if needed. Or you like the person and want to be "friends".

21. AnonymousSeptember 29,2023 at 2:40PM UTC

    I wish it wasn’t real! That particular person had been reported several times for her “foot in mouth” comments whatever action the organization took sure didn’t amount to much to encourage her to change.

22. Audrey KirschAugust 10,2023 at 4:12PM UTC

    I stay in touch with those that I actually enjoyed working with via Facebook or LinkedIn. I have to work with a company regularly that I left that has a toxic management team. My new company sends over $1 million in business to them every year so now when they see me, it's like we're all besties. I don't friend any of them on social media but I don't trash them either. I just move business to other companies whenever I have the chance. So, while you don't have to keep in touch, don't burn any bridges.

23. Clydene HorriganAugust 10,2023 at 5:00PM UTC

    You can even LinkIn with people you know you never want to work with again. Why? Because when your looking at a new job, if you’re LinkedIn and see they work at a company you’re interested in, you’ll have that info as part of your decision-making process.

24. AnonymousAugust 10,2023 at 5:36PM UTC

    That's an individual choice to make. My last job before current? Nope. I was there for just over a year but as far as I'm concerned that was a minor blip on my radar an it does not serve me to maintain contact with them. Previous to that? I was at a company for 10 years and cultivated many good relationships. Some left before me, some after me, some are still there and I maintain contact with them with most of them. Staying in contact with people could be beneficial to furthering your career (this is where networking comes in), but you decide who you maintain contact with.

25. Kia HarrisAugust 10,2023 at 5:48PM UTC

    Yes, I support it! I left and institution after several years to relocate. Had a family emergency in my old town and going back without any question! If your work ethic speaks for you that comment was genuine.

26. Cindy GrossAugust 10,2023 at 6:59PM UTC

    You get to choose. There's no one right way. I would say for many people it's a polite formality where they wouldn't object if you stayed in touch but aren't truly expecting it. Regardless, it's up to you. Stay connected with folks that you enjoy spending time with, who can be mentors or sponsors, who can connect you with others, or who feel some need (even if you can't define it) to stay in touch with. Let the rest go. #BefriendingDragons

27. AnonymousAugust 10,2023 at 9:50PM UTC

    Honestly, most of the time, it's just something people say. If it was a toxic work environment I would not engage afterward, regardless of the possible future employment opportunities.

28. Amy Carissa OliverAugust 11,2023 at 12:23PM UTC

    I have kept in touch with managers and colleagues which has repeatedly led to job opportunities and references for me and for them. In fact earlier this year I was in consideration for an ED position at a nonprofit and I reached out not only to my old boss from the most toxic place I ever worked (although she was great), but also several other leaders there, to get advice and references. And those conversations really helped me, so much so I got to the final round, just me and one other candidate. Always ask yourself if (1) this relationship could help you in the future and (2) if you could run into this person again in the future. Staying in touch doesn’t have to mean coffee dates and long conversations. For me it has mostly meant liking their stuff on LinkedIn, responding to things sometimes. Social media makes staying connected very easy so why not…

    And as an aside, I would personally keep in touch with the manager who wanted me to fail just so it was very visual how great I am doing. Though, honestly, I don’t think she meant it the way you maybe took it and how other commenters took it. I’ve had people make those kinds of comments when I’ve left a role but it’s because they struggle with saying “we are really going to miss you and you have been a huge asset.” Seems like she didn’t want to put a heavy emotion on it for herself and strung together crappy words. The people who are the most toxic won’t bother to say anything. They’ll just let you leave as if you didn’t have any value to them whatsoever.

29. AnonymousAugust 11,2023 at 3:19PM UTC

    Being an older employee, I have found almost all my former managers have retired. It is challenging to obtain references. I would keep in touch occasionally. It could be a holiday card, etc. Also I have found former colleagues are nicer away from the stresses of the Office.

30. Pamela A. KetchumAugust 12,2023 at 3:35AM UTC

    There may be a co-worker or two one may want to keep in touch with for personal reasons. The best way to handle "keep in touch" is when you make the choice whom, if anyone you'd like to maintain communications. Leave positions in good stead be known as a great co-worker with a strong work ethic.