I would like to know your thoughts/opinions on “blonde jokes” in the office.

Anonymous

September 20,2023 at 6:28PM UTC

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I would like to know your thoughts/opinions on “blonde jokes” in the office.

The other day, my team was in the office (we are primarily remote), and there were some disparaging remarks about blonde-haired women as well as a male employee making a “dumb blonde joke”.

The manager of our team also chimed in with a comment, “If people don’t like the jokes, maybe they should dye their hair.”

Personally, I find those jokes offensive and the manager should have stayed out of it or stopped the session.

Do you find this to be a potential HR issue? If I was offended, surely the other silent employees were also. They weren’t funny and some were downright cruel.

I value your input.

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AnonymousSeptember 20,2023 at 6:40PM UTC
HR would be appropriate
AnonymousSeptember 20,2023 at 9:08PM UTC
HR is almost never the appropriate first place to take something to, unless you are reporting a Title IX or EEO or ADA offense to the designated person for handling those things. In most jurisdictions, blondes are not a protected class.
AnonymousSeptember 20,2023 at 7:57PM UTC
If you or someone else had pink freckles and the jokes were about pink freckles, I'd be highly offended as well. But the audacity, lack of professionalism, and leadership of the manager to chime in with the rude and biased comment is not ok. Also, I would write down in great detail what you remember about the event, and start recording chats on your phone so you can share the audacity with your manager.
AnonymousSeptember 20,2023 at 7:58PM UTC
Blond jokes aren't funny anymore, (never were) along with making fun of people for their gender, sexual preference, skin color, etc... Guess this guy is still stuck in 1998, HR should probably tell him otherwise.
KatSeptember 20,2023 at 8:19PM UTC
"Jokes" like this aren't funny. They're insulting. Your manager's behavior is immature and unprofessional. This is something that should be shut down right away, not tolerated or encouraged. Definitely document this behavior, as it could be (not so) subtle sign of a hostile work environment. At the very least, it's a sign that your manager needs a refresher on people skills and how to maintain an inclusive work place. HR and your manager's boss should be informed of this incident. Someone needs to tell your manager this is not funny or acceptable in the work place.
Nancy ExniciosSeptember 20,2023 at 8:33PM UTC
That is just rude. As a blonde, I just told people to knock it off and it was making them show their age in the industry to way back when it was appropriate and it stopped immediately.
Coleen (She/Her)September 20,2023 at 8:46PM UTC
I've dealt with a boss wishing covid on her clients she did not like and then covering her mouth and saying, oops did I say that.
She laughs about it. She is so toxic and I have kept my mouth shut, and focused on securing other opportunities. Be careful of the battles you bring or fight, as sometimes they are not worth the aggravation or stress. Also, I have found HR is not about the employee, they are there to support their management and whats in the best interest for them.
AnonymousSeptember 20,2023 at 9:02PM UTC
Inappropriate work place talk, it's demeaning and brings a MAJOR bias with a stereotype. It's a harassment that doesn't not belong. They need at minimum be counseled, the Manager should be on a plan to either be coached in or or coached out, at minimum. It is clearly an employee relations concern that should be directed to them. It's harmful speak. Document, when and where it happened, and anyone else who was there or could have witnessed.
AnonymousSeptember 20,2023 at 9:06PM UTC
It's something to bring to the manager. Going to HR may be a waste of time depending on your workplace policies, and could hurt your relationship with your manager.
In most jurisdictions, it's not illegal to make derogatory remarks against people who are not in a federally protected class. Blonde females are not in a protected class by federal law, but comments about appearance could be protected depending on where you live or your organization's policy.
Check your workplace policies to see if comments based on appearance are against corporate policy.
If you are a blond female, then say, "I was offended" not "it is offensive." If you are not, but someone else is, using the word offensive is a bit strong. Saying it is tacky or cultivates workplace negativity would be more in line with the nature of it.
AnonymousSeptember 22,2023 at 1:21AM UTC
Going to the manager is pointless since she joined in herself.
AnonymousSeptember 20,2023 at 9:14PM UTC
I would ask him if he would suggest the same to his wife or daughter (but again, I have a reputation for the occasional snarky remark when offended). Making fun of someone's appearance is NEVER okay. An occasional joke is acceptable, so long as it isn't offensive to people or the things they care about. I've lived my life being the butt of other's jokes, and at 67, I am so done with it. People have made fun of everything from my name to my appearance to my ambition, "all in good fun." Yea, for everyone but me, because it hurts.
AnonymousSeptember 20,2023 at 9:20PM UTC
They are being rude. You can report it, but don't hold your breath for positive results.
People are looking for attention like a 3yr old. Ignore them
AnonymousSeptember 21,2023 at 11:10AM UTC
So archaic, how boring of them to think those are even funny in the world we live in today.
Christi LopezSeptember 21,2023 at 12:19PM UTC
My favorite response I've heard suggested in these situations, which I have yet to have a chance to use, is to say, "What makes you feel it's ok to say that?"
The jokes are completely unprofessional and offensive, and while you could report it to HR, it might be better to just pull the individuals aside and let them know how they're being perceived.
Heather (she/her)September 21,2023 at 12:23PM UTC
Absolutely an HR issue and absolutely not ok
AnonymousSeptember 21,2023 at 1:26PM UTC
Not an HR issue! They will only care about illegal activity. If a manager can solve it but the manager has not been asked to solve it, it's too early to go to HR.
Heather (she/her)September 22,2023 at 7:52AM UTC
HR is made for handling issues around discrimination, which this is. This could also be considered harassment, a hostile work environment, and an ethics violation, all of which are not only also handled by HR, but usually spelled out specifically as HR issues in most company handbooks. Yes, you could try going to a manager first, but if you don't get a good response or you're just not comfortable trying that route, any good HR organization can and should also handle situations like this. HR is NOT just for illegal activity, it's for the support and well-being of the entire organization.
SameeraSeptember 21,2023 at 2:25PM UTC
Definitely inappropriate. Please raise concern to HR. I would even put it in an email so it's logged when you raised the concern. You can be vague in the email but be sure to reference your company's code of conduct/ethics. I bet you it's somewhere in there about workplace harassment. We have to watch these trainings every year where i work and this is definitely depicted in the examples. Someone says something about appearance to make anyone uncomfortable qualifies.
AnonymousSeptember 22,2023 at 1:28AM UTC
Update: Someone took it to HR and it was someone in the teams surrounding our area. It was overheard and now, the individuals, along with my manager who participated, all have to apologize to the entire floor and take courses on harassment and others. That entire conversation was overheard by our HR Assistant Director. I had no idea, but they were apparently in our area for a meeting.
AnonymousSeptember 22,2023 at 12:23PM UTC
I am so glad to read this quick update! So you were right that others were offended too. I was going to suggest going to HR but looks like that's been taken care of! Good for that other person.
And yes, as a blond, I find it offensive and annoying to be assumed that I'm dumb based on my hair color.
AnonymousSeptember 22,2023 at 12:23PM UTC
I'm glad to hear it. Calling somebody dumb, even jokingly, due to the color of their hair is silly and of course, can be offensive.
AnonymousSeptember 22,2023 at 2:48PM UTC
Wow that’s amazing! They must have had several complaints and jumped on it before there was a lawsuit filed. Your manager sounds immature and hopefully does not begin bullying employees
AnonymousSeptember 22,2023 at 4:06PM UTC
Lol - everyone is going to love sitting through hours of additional training because of him. Believe me, all will suffer with additional training before this is done.
AnonymousSeptember 22,2023 at 2:47AM UTC
I'm glad your HR department took a stand!! My previous workplace would have stood back, done nothing and probably blamed the victims while laughing at them. I kid you not....it was a tragedy.
Jokes like this are rude and childish; speaks volumes about the one doing the telling, not the intended audience. Ditto jokes about the disabled, as well as others.I don't give these insecure "jokesters" the satisfaction of a reaction of ANY kind.You can go to HR. Good luck though... probably a slap on the wrist IF there are witnesses
AnonymousSeptember 22,2023 at 12:34PM UTC
it’s definitely an HR issue because it’s sexist. It’s not just a joke about hair color it’s a joke about women’s intelligence.
GirlBossanova934974September 22,2023 at 12:39PM UTC
Having been in the workforce for several decades, I don't know. It appears to me that the current workplace resembles a broken eggshell factory. Everyone is terrified of offending anyone. Victims are everywhere. Then again, these same offended individuals have no trouble saying all sorts of things behind closed doors or closed video calls. In the beginning of my career, I was always the youngest member of the group. I was surrounded by people who had 30 plus years of experience. Today, it is exactly the opposite. If people want to kid me about my age today, I could care less. As Ronald Reagan said to Walter Mondale in 1984, "I will not make age an issue of this campaign. I am not going to exploit, for political purposes, my opponent's youth and inexperience."
AnonymousSeptember 22,2023 at 5:20PM UTC
Is it everyone is afraid of offending everyone or is that everyone is no longer going to sit back and take this crappy behavior and start "fighting" back against it.
AnonymousSeptember 22,2023 at 12:45PM UTC
according to EVERY anti-harassment training I've taken in the past 20 YEARS, yes, this is 100% an HR issue
AnonymousSeptember 22,2023 at 12:51PM UTC
I was once told by an upset customer that "I was too young to be a manager and therefore needed to get someone else for her to talk to." I looked at her and said "I can certainly get the other manager who works in the other department" she asked how they could help her [shouting] and I simply said "she cant." I don't take the comments as i know I'm better than that, so it may be hard to stand up for yourself, but next time maybe just bring it up in the call. You never know what will happen, it could turn out great and they will know you don't appreciate it.
I'm glad it was heard by hr!
AnonymousSeptember 22,2023 at 1:04PM UTC
YES. ? report it to HR
AnonymousSeptember 22,2023 at 1:34PM UTC
It is wrong but sadly, given the cultural environment, I doubt you will achieve anything but grief.
I am sure you can put these unintelligent individuals in there place with a riddle or intelligent joke or two of your own.
Make sure to laugh at the end, your not stuffy or over sensitive & you still be within context.
Take your stance that won’t outright alienate you from your peers
Kerry HoganSeptember 22,2023 at 2:07PM UTC
These are blatantly sexist jokes aimed at women. I've never heard anyone make fun of blonde men, and this can be considered gender-based harassment. In my experience it can potentially get worse if you don't fix it. Start with a manager other than the one who joined in and possibly go to HR. Be prepared for difficulty in these situations as many companies will go through great lengths to keep from fixing the problem. Have your facts documented and approach this in an organized manner. Good Luck.
Carolina Perez SanzSeptember 22,2023 at 2:39PM UTC
These are toxic jokes that don't foster psychological safety. If you were offended, speak up! You're a voice of the team and your thoughts are important information about the team's dynamics. I'd speak to the manager first and say I was offended. If that's not a possibility, I'd go to HR.
AnonymousSeptember 22,2023 at 2:44PM UTC
In order to report this, you have to log the dates and what was said. Especially if the manager is a part of the conversation and not putting a stop to it. I’m not sure if HR is going to ask if you tried to bring this up to your manager, as a first point of letting him know it offends you.
After, confronting him, be observant of any retaliation and record this as well. For instance, if he writes you up for something trivial, excludes you from projects or just begins to be a bully.
EMILY KIKUE FRANKSeptember 22,2023 at 3:04PM UTC
Dumb blonde jokes are sexist and not very funny. I would definitely recommend speaking up and/or documenting and taking the issue to a manager. But speaking up is better if you can. Here's an article with some good points on the subject that you can use in your responses: https://www.sandiegouniontribune.com/opinion/commentary/sd-utbg-sexism-blonde-jokes-culture-20171117-story.html
AnonymousSeptember 22,2023 at 3:45PM UTC
Tell them a dumb blonde joke where the punchline is a about a stupid man.
AnonymousSeptember 22,2023 at 4:02PM UTC
Honestly, they should know better by now, but they just don’t get it. I don’t think much of him. Only slightly better than the guy at my last job, who kept using the “open the kimono” phrase in a well attended meeting. Got back to HR (big corporation), fairly quickly. I know we all had additional training the following year.
They walk among us.
maria roseSeptember 22,2023 at 4:46PM UTC
Question to the anonymous OP who made this post— was this the first time that you had experienced blatant joking comments made in what appears by description in an informal setting at your workplace? It wasn’t mentioned how long the person was working at this company, but we are given the impression that this group doesn’t often get together in the office since the team is mostly remote (WFH) . The team appears to group meet in office to coordinate their work and must be doing this on a regular basis since they are able to joke in conversation to each other. I gather the OP wasn’t a participant of this specific conversation but heard the comments, which they find offensive and sexist in tone and wording and it made them feel uncomfortable. Most HR departments have a way of reporting issues like this anonymously—via a contact form or an 800 number, which the OP has the option to take advantage of, but that option may not really create the expected outcome—which is no offensive expressions that downgrade any individual type. Not knowing how well the OP gets along with the team to have conversations with them to determine how comfortable they can directly communicate to the team immediately when offensive wording conversation comments occur. Like another commenter mentioned, it could have been nipped in the bud by directly addressing it immediately.
AnonymousSeptember 22,2023 at 5:13PM UTC
Of course, you can take that to HR. I personally would take it a step further and call people out on those sorts of comments. Any negative comments (really, any comments) about a person's appearance is entirely uncalled for an inappropriate. You calling it out rather directly instead of going to HR could be even more impactful. And that is coming from personal experience. I, in a joking manner, made a comment about colleague's short stature. He immediately called me out on it (not in front of others), definitely a lesson learned, and a lot more impactful than him running to HR about it. Now, of course, if you aren't comfortable in doing so and fear repercussions for it, then yes, definitely go to HR.
AnonymousSeptember 22,2023 at 5:27PM UTC
Yes, consult your employee handbook first and find the passage that directly discusses sexual harassment. Most employers have a statement that says see something say something. Bring it to HR and document the conversation not necessarily pointing out the manager and the specific people but perhaps the meeting and ask for them to follow up with a conversation about appropriate work chatter. If nothing is done to circle back with a meeting on what is appropriate know that this is not the place for you ethically long term.
Lisa McCartneySeptember 22,2023 at 10:19PM UTC
You can't tell by my picture but I am blonde. I usually say "Excuuuuuuse me??????"
Rachel SteinerSeptember 22,2023 at 10:26PM UTC
My thoughts are "are we in middle school right now?" and "the nineties called, they want their sexist jokes back"
Sorry, I know that's not particularly helpful, but that's my roundabout way of saying, yes, this is an HR issue for sure.
TessaSeptember 23,2023 at 1:55AM UTC
I thought your thoughts word for word.
AnonymousSeptember 23,2023 at 8:39PM UTC
The only people I’ve heard make blonde jokes in the last twenty years are blondes. I’d be asking if they are from the 1900s.
LORI-ANN BURLINGAMESeptember 23,2023 at 9:35PM UTC
Yes, this is an HR issue. However, if you take them to HR you may get some pushback. Be prepared.
I worked for an advertising agency and my manager let my coworkers used the "p" word. I was moe than offended and reported them to HR. There was plenty of pushback on the part of my manager.
He used our department's Team software to send out an automated cartoon of a young lady in a micromini skirt twerking. I keep a copy of it. His name and picture are on the left-hand side of the cartoon. This was my proof that my complaints were creditable.
He fired me four days before my one year anniversary. However, I had the opportunity to write a review on an employmet search site and I did. I explained in the review that it only pertained to the department I worked in and not the company.
The site sent me an email letting me know that 1,599 people read my review. My voice was heard. Everyone in the company saw my review.
Stay strong and let your voice be heard.
Julie ESeptember 24,2023 at 4:07AM UTC
You should have sued for sexual harassment. Or at least threatened to and sent the automated cartoon to HR. They got off too easy.
Julie ESeptember 24,2023 at 4:13AM UTC
Send an email and them the jokes are inappropriate and you find them offensive. Ask them to stop making them. If it happens a second time, reply to that email saying you are asking again and this time cc HR. You now have documentation needed for a harassment case. You showed you objected and they continued the behavior. That is a hostile work environment.
AnonymousSeptember 25,2023 at 2:13PM UTC
In general, always go to your own manager before going to HR. Also, check your workplace policies and the laws in your area before making a complaint.
If you go to your manager and your manager blows off your concerns, then it MIGHT be worth going to HR. But... there may be no valid grounds for a complaint, and the cost to your relationship to your manager could be high.